


Have you ever seen the sunrise turn the sky completely red

by TheDameintheRaininMaine



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, F/F, References to PTSD, Summer Camp AU, and injury recovery, if you can name where the title and the chapter titles come from you get internet cookies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6974848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDameintheRaininMaine/pseuds/TheDameintheRaininMaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after a terrible accident, Raven returns to the camp she's attended for years as a counselor. The same old places and the same old friends lead to healing and the possibility of a new romance. But so much has changed, both for her and others, how will things go when the summer comes to an end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because of technology related plot devices, I'm roughly setting this around 2001- before cell phones were common and the internet pervasive. 
> 
> Also, bear in mind all my experience with summer camp were from Girl Scout camp.

Camp was the same as it ever was. 

The dusty gray bus, the miles of forest since the last town. Once they passed the same aged wooden sign, Raven could see the same twenty-four cabins, the same lake, the same fields, the same fire pits. 

She just wished she was the same as she ever was. 

Getting down the steps was a bit of a struggle, but she grabbed her cane and let the others out first. 

The air hit her face, and it brought her straight back and put a grin on her face. Camp air always smelled the same, pine and ashes and the drifting sea air. Camp was ten miles uphill from the beach, a three day hike to the sea and tent camp on the beach during second session being a yearly tradition. She'd known that smell since her first day at camp, and she would always know it.

Raven was apparently so enraptured by the smell that she didn't notice the blonde haired figure in the purple Camp North Star shirt tackle hug her and knock her on the ground. 

A grin breaks out on her face even as she topples and hits the grass. She would know Clarke Griffin anywhere. 

"Ooo! Sorry!" The other girl says, and sits up on her heels before taking both of Raven's hands and pulling her back into a standing position. 

She wobbles a little, but covers. The ground is fairly level here. Raven tries to grab her can stealthily, but she can feel Clarke's eyes watching her. But the other girl has always known when it was better not to say something. 

As they make their way along the path towards the Camp Director's office for Welcome and Orientation, Clarke says. 

"It's been so long since you wrote me, when I didn't see you at training, I thought maybe you weren't coming back this year". 

Raven shook her head. "I couldn't make the week for activity leaders, Becca said since I'd done CIT for two years she could squeeze me in with the CITs and unit counselors the next."

"I didn't think you would have wanted to do cabins after..."

Raven laughs. Their first year as CITs her and Clarke had been assigned to Cabin 3, with the youngest girls at camp- seven and eight year olds. Though adorable, they had also been an incredible handful.

"No, I'm running the camp store."

"I thought you had wanted to run the climbing wall and sports fields?"

That makes her wince. 

"That didn't work out...but Becca did ask me to do the overnight observatory night in third session, so that's great". 

Quickly changing the subject, Raven continues with, 

"You're doing Arts and Crafts this year right?"

Clarke's face brightens. 

"Don't you know it."

She reaches out to touch the hemp bracelet with the black and blue seed beads on Raven's wrist. 

"I see my craftsmanship is still greatly appreciated". 

That gets a laugh. It feels nice that they can laugh about it now. 

"So I guess Finn decided not to come again this year?"

Raven shakes her head, and squeezes in the tears in her eyes. 

"Come on," she says, ignoring the feeling of her stomach dropping into the vicinity of her shoes, "We're going to miss welcome". 

W&O goes normally, Clarke and Raven get introduced with the other activity leads: Indra who runs the waterfront, Harper at the sports fields, Tris at archery, Lincoln at the stables, Miller at drama and campfire, and crazy old Mr. Jaha, who ran the deep woods nature hikes. 

"I can't believe he's still here" Raven whispers to Clarke when they leave and join the crowd as Becca takes back the stage to introduce the cabin head counselors and this years CITs. She had only ever gone on one of his hikes, which were voluntary. Their group had wandered for three extra hours, not sure if they were lost or not, before getting back to camp and no one had acted as if anything was wrong. 

"He's been here since we were little kids, I don't think he'll ever leave. "

They check out the groups of CITs this year, a couple they already knew, and some new. 

After W&O they break the kids up and send them along with their groups to the cabins, and Clarke and Raven join the other non-supervisory staff to the staff cabin closer to the lake. 

Unlike the group cabins for the campers, the staff cabin is fairly large, with individual rooms for pairs, a communal area with a fridge and the camp phone and computer, and their own laundry room. 

"OK if we room again?" Clarke asks, but she's already heading for the room furthest to the right. 

"Of course". 

The rooms are tiny, but it beats staying down with the campers where you could get woke up any hour of the night. It's just a bunk bed, a desk and a decently sized window. 

"I call top bunk" Clarke says, tossing her rucksack onto it after setting her trunk on the other side of the room. 

Raven takes her time unpacking her sheets and blanket and making her bed. By the time she finishes, Clarke is perched at the top of the bunk ladder watching her work. 

When Raven reaches for her cane she had rested on the end of the bunk, she can feel Clarke's eyes burn into her. The metal brace presses into her skin, hidden beneath her jeans. She had packed mostly shorts, and camp was often hot. Everyone would be able to see it soon. 

She sighed. Whatever, she was going to have to tell her at some point. 

"You can ask, It's OK". 

"What happened?"

"Car accident" she says, ruefully. "Got t-boned before Christmas. Hurt my spine. They kept telling me how lucky I was, that it was just a small area of damage, didn't even affect both my legs..."

"How bad?"

"Loss of sensation through mid thigh. I can walk with just the brace, but I need the cane in uneven terrain, and sometimes just for support". 

She can still feel Clarke's eyes. God, how did she always know?

She bites her lip before continuing. 

"Finn was asleep in the back seat. The car that hit me hit the side he was on."

She can feel the tears starting up again. Her chest feels tight and her breathing has gone shallow. Dammit, she thought she was done with this. 

"I got thrown against the door. My leg, and a bunch of cuts and bruises. Finn was dead on the scene."

Clarke has slid down the ladder to sit beside her. "Oh my God". 

Just when Raven felt tears hit her cheeks, she also feels Clarke's arms grip her tight.

"I'm sorry. I didn't- I shouldn't have brought it up". 

When Raven's breathing has eased, Clarke keeps going. 

"I was so sad you didn't write me in a long time. I hardly got anything for camp friends this year". 

Raven laughs and wipes her cheeks. 

"What about that girl you were so into last year? The archery leader, the one you said lived like twenty miles from you?"

Clarke pouts. 

"Three months into the school year, her family moved to Canada, and she said she didn't think we could do the long distance thing."

"Awww...what was her name again?"

If possible, Clarke's pout gets deeper. 

"Lexa. You just didn't like her because you always sucked at archery". 

"Are you kidding? I hated her because watching you two carry on all the time was gross". 

They both laugh at that, and then sit there in silence for a while. 

"It's almost dinner time" Clarke says, finally. "Think you're up to it?"

"Miss first night dinner? No way". 

The first night's dinner is always really good. The rest of the summer passes mostly with PB&J and various stews, but first night always means spaghetti or barbecue or the like. 

It's fried chicken tonight. As Raven leaves the line with her tray, she hears two of the CITs, boys who look about fifteen, whispering. 

"Dude, did you see her hand? It looked like a fucking tree branch". 

Glancing back behind them, she realizes they're talking about the girl behind the counter filling trays. Her name's Emori, she's worked in the kitchen for a few years, and there's always been a few who felt the need to abuse her. 

She claps the nearest boy on the back- a skinny kid wearing goggles on his head. 

"Don't be assholes, she's a burn victim. Also, not deaf. Don't want your food spit in do you?"

She moves past them, and joins Clarke and the others at the staff table. 

"Why is the first dinner here so much better than the rest of the summer?" Bellamy, the boys head counselor, asks after his first bite of chicken. 

"So we'll have energy to last a while before we start writing home to complain" Clarke replies, tasting her mashed potatoes. 

A younger girl brings her tray and sits on the edge of their table. 

"Hey, check out who decided to join the big kid table this year". Bellamy teases. The girl, his younger sister Octavia (a second year CIT), rolls her eyes. 

"No little kids to supervise this year?" Raven asks. 

"Zoe didn't come back this year, so Becca squashed a couple of extra kids into one unit, and I have to help out at the stables full time". 

"Zoe didn't come back?" Clarke asks.

"A couple of the old timers didn't" Bellamy says, "Roma didn't, John, Dax". 

Clarke face is pensive, and Raven realizes she must be thinking of Lexa. 

"Just age I guess" Raven says, "There will fewer than us every year and we get regular jobs". 

"I can't believe Anya's still here", Octavia says. 

Anya's been the girls head counselor since Raven's first summer at camp when she was eight. In her late 20's, Anya is older than many of the staff, a 

Down the table, Harper laughs. "Anya will be here until this place closes. Still busting chops for sneakers at the stables, or having your lantern on after lights out". 

Just then, Miller sits at the end, and interrupts the conversation. 

"You will not believe who I saw working in the kitchen". 

"Who?" Clarke asks. 

"John Murphy". 

Raven nearly chokes on her bite. 

"You're kidding". 

Miller shakes his head. 

"I heard him talking to Emori. Some kind of work release. I can't believe Becca let him back after..."

They all remember, there's no need to repeat it. 

When dinner is done, the rest of the staff stays for clean up while the unit counselors and CITs take the kids back to their cabins. There's no campfire the first night, to give everyone more time to settle in. 

When they get back to the staff cabin, Clarke asks Raven, 

"Are you going to try for the swim test in the morning". 

Raven nods. 

"I've done some swimming in PT. I should be able to make a red stripe again". 

Clarke is quiet. She's been strangely quiet since dinner". 

"Are you still thinking about Lexa?" Raven asks, trying to sound light. 

"No" Clarke says, still quiet, "About Wells". 

Raven winces. 

"I guess he never wanted to come back here at all?"

"After what Murphy did to him? No way in hell. I couldn't even get him to drive me up here for training."

"How's he doing?"

"His leg healed eventually. God, his dad was so mad...I didn't think I'd ever see Murphy again after he got kicked out". 

"Well look at it this way" Raven says pulling her pajamas from her trunk. "With him in the kitchen we'll hardly ever have to see him". 

"That's true I guess". 

When Clarke leaves to call her mom, Raven changes into her tank and shorts and pulls off her brace before laying down on the bottom bunk. The moon outside the window has risen, shining off the tiny glint that is the lake. 

So much the same, so much has changed. Would any of it stay, in the end?

Raven flopped back her head against her pillow. Tomorrow was always another day.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning is the only time that the entire camp attends the same morning activity- swim tests at the water front. 

The camp's land included a decent sized lake. With that lake had come a dock, several canoes, one motorboat and a set of jet skis. 

Indra ran the lake front with an iron fist. She could swim and snorkel and dive with the best of them, but break a rule or act out of line and you were out for the rest of the summer. No exceptions. Everyone at camp respected her. 

The tests went like this. If you didn't have a stripe at all, you had to wear a life vest at all times around the lake. Tread water unassisted for thirty seconds, you got a blue stripe. Hold your breath underwater for forty five seconds got you a yellow stripe, meaning you could use the snorkels and canoes with a group. For the highest red stripe, and the right to use all the lake's equipment, you had to make a nonstop swim and back to the island (really a large rock) that sat in the middle of the lake. 

While the activities were mostly for campers, counselors did get some time off they could use at lake, and all qualified staff had special drills to take part in, so they tested right along with the kids. 

It really wasn't a hard swim. Clarke had made red stripe at twelve, Raven at fourteen. She had swam for PT at the local Y pool after the accident. She shouldn't have been worried. 

She stands in line between Clarke and a girl from Cabin 5. She feels almost naked. The brace on her leg had come to feel like part of her, and the space between her midthigh and the ground felt unnatural. She leans far harder on her cane than she probably needs to, but here it is acting as a literal crutch. 

When Indra blows her whistle, and everyone enter the lake, Raven sits on the dock, picking up and moving her leg and sliding in gingerly. 

The lake was colder than the pool at the Y, and it had a movement to it that Raven hadn't noticed. 

Indra's whistle blasts again after she explains the rules for the test. 

Treading water is easy, even though she has to use her arms more than she used to. Her leg drifts, and she has to compensate for it's movement, but she does it. 

Then comes the breath-holding test. This one has never been hard either. Raven takes a deep breath, and Indra whistles again and she sinks under. 

Under the water feels different this time. She can't bear to open her eyes under it, like she could in the pool. The water presses in on her from all sides, and it feels for a moment like it's crushing her. The pressure from the air in her lungs pushes outward, and Raven's chest feels like it might explode. Finally she can't take it anymore and rises to the surface with a splash.

"Sixteen seconds Reyes, try again with the second group" 

"You OK?" Clarke asks, when she surfaces. Raven's face burns. 

The second time, she sucks in her breath and dives under with resolve. 

The dark water surrounds her again, and her lungs start to burn. It takes all her strength to stay down until she hears whistle. She bursts back up through to the surface, sucking in all the air she can and heaving.

Clarke is still looking at her when they line up to do the island swim. Raven stares ahead. 

Indra blows the whistle and everyone takes off. 

Suddenly the swim seems a lot longer than it used to. 

Raven's only a few meters from the dock when she realizes all the others have overtaken her. It takes more energy than she would have expected to keep her leg from dragging. 

Everytime she tries to put her face in the water, the cold squeezing feeling in her chest returns. Holding her head up above water takes yet more effort. 

Finally, when she's a litle over halfway, she just can't take it anymore. She rolls onto her back and raises one hand in defeat. 

She doesn't see who in the canoe came by and towed her back, but even though many others go after their group, she's never been more embarrassed in her life. 

"Don't worry about it" Clarke says when they're walking with everyone else back for lunch.

"I haven't been a yellow band in years" Raven sulks, thinking of the shameful yellow striped wristband clipped to her bathing suit tucked deep in her tote bag. 

"You're not with a unit this year, you don't have to go back down to the lake at all if you don't want to. Plus, this way you don't have to do lost bather drills".

That does make her snort. Lost bather drills were a tone over the intercom that meant every qualified staff member had to run to the waterfront, strip, and swim out to seek a camper gone missing at the water. They had never had to search for someone for real, thanks to Indra's strict ruling, but the practice was still daunting, but this was frequently referred to secondary to the humiliation of having to strip in front of all the rest of the camp.

"Well it's not like I have to worry about everyone finding out I wear Hello Kitty underwear" 

Clarke shakes her head thoughtlessly. "Everyone forgot about that by the end of summer, when everyone found out about that weird homemade tattoo Octavia had". 

"Even Aden made red this year, and he's like eleven". 

"He's also on a swim team back home, and nearly made it last summer, it's not a big deal". 

Raven tries to listen to Clarke, but she can't help herself. 

"If it bothers you that much, we can go out and practice on days off and stuff". 

This option weighs on Raven's mind for the rest of the day. 

Afternoon is pretty boring. The store's always pretty crowded the first couple of days, with kids picking up things they forgot from home and buying postcards and phone cards, so she doesn't really have time to dwell on any other option. By the time dinner is over and everyone is gathering for campfire she steps beside Clarke and says. 

"Ok, you can help me practice at the lake."

Clarke nods and doesn't say anything else through the first part of campfire. 

It was pretty cheesy sometimes, but everyone always loved campfire. It never took long for even the youngest kids to learn all the words to the songs, and Miller was good at mixing it up with something that everyone already knew from the radio. He had both a guitar and a ukelele, and the youngest campers sat in front accompanying him on the drums. 

When Miller finishes the traditional closing of "On the Loose" to applause, he puts his guitar on the ground, bows, and announces. 

"OK, next comes my favorite part of campfire every year- time for some scary stories."

Someone in the crowd hoots, and he laughs and waves them off. 

"Now, these aren't Y-7 scary stories- these will send chills down your spine, make the blood chill in your veins and steal your sleep for the rest of the summer."

There's a bit of a hush- none of his stories are really that bad, but Miller's good with the theatricality. 

"Which means, if there's anyone here who wants an out...go ahead and follow Bryan, our resident chicken, back down to the mess hall". 

He gestures with his guitar to unit 1's (the youngest boys) counselor (and indeed, resident hater of horror) Bryan. 

When the usual handful of younglings and the easily scared rise, Raven feels Clarke tug on her elbow. 

"Come one, we can go down to the lake now". 

"What now?" Raven's alarmed. She had decided to let Clarke try and train her, she hadn't expected her to mean, like, now. 

"No one's out there, and we were just going to go back to the cabin afterwards anyway."

"Won't we get in trouble?"

"We're not on duty, and we're both legal adults. This is not part of our job duties. We're liable for our own safety". 

Raven's not weak willed, but she still feels like she's being forcibly dragged down the path to the beach. When she turns her back to Clarke to change into her bathing suit from the bottom of her bag, her legs feel like lead. Almost every part of her wants to bolt. But Raven is stubborn to a fault, and she won't let something as silly as fear stop her. 

When she sits on the dock and pulls off her brace, Clarke sits beside her. 

"Just sit here for a minute, with your feet in the water". 

The moon has just started to rise in the sky, and Clarke's skin is almost luminescent in it's glow. Her eyes are deep, penetrating, as she watches as Raven gingerly slides in the water to her ankles. 

"What happened during the test earlier, were you winded or tired or..."

"My leg drags, and it takes a lot of energy to compensate for it...and being underwater makes me chest go all tight now...It never used to, it's something that started..."

She trails off. She knows exactly when it started. It's not the water, it's the isolation, the feeling of being surrounded that reminds her of the pain and haze following the accident. 

Clarke doesn't say anything for a minute, and God, she knows, Raven can feel it. 

"Well, dealing with your leg is probably just something you need to practice on...and the breath-holding you might just need to desensitize yourself to". 

She slides off the dock into the water and gestures for Raven to follow her.

The lake at night is beautiful. The light from the campfire makes its way to the footpath, and after that everything is lit by the moon. And without the pressure of the others around, Raven feels like she has a better grip on what's happening.

Clarke has her do a handful of mini laps parallel to the shore. 

"Is it easier doing these in the pool?"

Raven nods. "Pool has the lane lines that make it easier to stay straight. And there's no current at all". 

When they finish the last lap half way down the beach before the start of the true forest, Clarke finally makes her try to hold her breath again. 

"I'll hold onto you, you can come up whenever you want to". 

Raven lets Clarke take both of her hands before sucking in a breath and ducking below. 

The darkness is worse at night. When the tightness starts in her chest again, she grips onto Clarke's hands as tight as she can before it becomes too much and she has to come up. 

"How long?" 

"Eleven seconds". 

Raven curses. 

"You can build up past that, it's still day one". 

Raven tucks her head to her chin. 

"Can we stop for the night?"

"Sure, come on."

Before she turns so they can swim back to the dock, Raven's eye catches something moving off towards the woods. The shore pretty much borders camp property, ending at the start of the forest. About a thousand feet beyond the start of the trees, there's a small clearing at the lakeside. Because it was private, and technically off-grounds, it had become a popular clandestine make-out spot. 

Clarke pauses to look at what Raven sees. 

"Is that...Lincoln and Octavia?"

Raven lets out a weird combination of a giggle and a shout. 

"God, I hope Bellamy doesn't know, he would give them nothing but hell about it". 

"Well we're not going to tell him," Clarke insists. "Lincoln's a good guy, and despite what Bellamy seems to think, Octavia does too". 

And with that piece of gossip under their belts, they turn to swim back to the dock, Clarke towing Raven part of the way when she gets winded again. Halfway back up the path to the staff cabin, Raven realizes she still hasn't let go of Clarke's hand.


	3. Chapter 3

The biggest change for Raven this year at camp is the boredom. 

She's used to camp being a whirlwind of activity. She used to dabble in everything. Being a unit counselor meant you accompanied the kids to all the activities, and got to participate to some extent at least. 

But here, she's stuck at the front of the store, using the cash register when someone buys something and otherwise being bored out of her mind. She brought some books with her from home, but by the end of week two, she's almost through all of them. 

When she's down to the last one, she asks Clarke if she has any she could borrow. 

"And please tell me you don't just have weird medical books, I know you..."

Raven trails off when she notices the pensive look on the other girl's face.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"My mom called earlier. She found out I didn't declare my major at registration last week. I insisted it was a mistake". 

"Well it isn't it?" Raven asks, sitting down on Clarke's bunk next to her. "Why would you do anything but pre-med, you've always said you wanted to be a doctor"

"And I do" Clarke insists. "I want to be a doctor, to help people. But I'm going to be doing it my whole life- is it so bad to want four years more before medicine becomes my whole life?"

"So what are you going to study?"

"I want to study art actually." 

Raven laughs. 

"Don't get enough of friendship bracelet fueled drama here?"

"Ugh don't remind me. I had to tell two girls today that they couldn't tie dye their bras". 

Spell broken, Clarke tosses a handful of her books into Raven's hands and moves on. 

At dinner at the end of the second week, Bellamy asks everyone if they wanted to come out to the circle that night. 

Circle was a tradition. Every couple of weeks, all the counselors who could leave (meaning all but a couple of unlucky units who lost the coin toss) would go down to one of the old firepits in the woods, play some music, drink a little beer, and unwind.

Going would mean missing her and Clarke’s nightly swim practice though, and to be frank, Raven didn’t quite feel up to it even without that. 

She apologized to Clarke repeatedly when they were on the dock that night. 

“You can go without me next time, I don’t mind’.

Clarke slides into the water. 

“Forget it, I’m not leaving you here by yourself. I’d drag you if I wanted to go that bad.”

She’s grateful for her candor. It wouldn’t be so easy to admit that she still felt strange around everyone else some of the time, the times when she couldn’t distract herself or laugh something off. But Clarke could always do that as well as her. 

The weeks of first session start to pass in a blur, and Raven finds that those nights on the lake become the thing she looks forward to most. 

She still goes to activities when she has days off. She makes seed bead bag tags in arts and crafts, and Harper shows her how to use the new climbing wall (she can’t get very high, but trying is better than sucking), and watches a truly hideous version of Our Town in the theater barn. 

But for all the camp activities that have filled the summers gone past, what has become stuck in her mind are the nights on the lake, sucking in her fear and sinking underneath the dark water, holding tightly to Clarke’s hand as she tries to keep the panic at bay. 

“Why do you keep doing this anyway?” Raven asks one night, gasping after rising from being pressed under the water again. 

“We’re friends, we’re supposed to help each other”. 

They were friends. But Clarke had lots of friends. She had always gone to every dance, every campfire, every circle and illicit midnight poker game. Yet here she was. 

“You have lots of friends here, wouldn’t you rather be with them at night, instead of at the lake helping the cripple get over herself?”

Clarke eyes her, something behind her eyes that Raven can’t decipher. 

“Why are you being so hard on yourself? You never used to let anyone put you down, why are you doing it now?”

Raven doesn’t answer her, just dives back into the water. 

When they’re back on the dock, getting dressed and ready to go back, Clarke asks. 

“I never asked you, what are you doing next year? You never mentioned college”. 

Raven laughs. 

“Junior college, two years, then transfer, I haven’t decided my major yet. Can’t afford four year yet, I’m still working at Mr. Sinclair’s shop and saving.”

 

“Are they still letting you stay even though you’re eighteen?”

Raven nods. Mr and Mrs. Sinclair had been her foster parents ever since her mother had walked out and disappeared after her daughter’s accident. They had been kind to her, even in her last four months of official childhood shouldn’t have necessarily required much in the way of parenting. They had been more than patient and supportive with her medical appointments and PT, and her occasional bouts of moodiness. 

“For the time being yes, but I feel like I should move out. Living with them when others are moving out just makes me feel even more helpless”. 

Clarke, wisely, chooses to ignore Raven’s moment of self pity, and reaches out to pat her on the shoulder. 

“At least that means you have a little more time to decide what it is you want to do with your life. Those of us who supposedly have it all planned out? Sometimes it feels like we’re being pushed nonstop down a steep hill.”

Clarke gazes up at the sky, Raven following her eyes. It’s a full moon that night, a glorious one, lighting up the whole sky. 

“That’s why I love it here so much. It seems like just for a little bit, everything just stands still”. 

As the session comes towards it’s end, Clarke starts making Raven let go of her underwater, and swim a few strokes before coming back up. They both think it’s going well. 

The last week of first session comes, and Raven gets an unexpected letter. 

It was perfectly lovely, just a note from Mrs.Collins, hoping she was doing well. There was no mention of the accident that claimed her son’s life, no mention that Raven had somehow survived and he hadn’t. 

It’s that letter that would probably be to blame for what happens when they’re out on the lake the last night of session. 

It starts off the same, with Clarke holding one hand and having the other on her back, pressing down. Then she let go and started counting. 

They had gotten to counts of twenty and twenty-five seconds before Raven would come back up, and the were building up. Raven had been hopeful. This could really be what could build up her endurance and let her pass the swim the next time it was given to second or third sessions campers. 

But that night, after Clarke lets go and Raven hears her words start to fade against the water washing against her face. She would usually keep her own count before rising again to the surface, but for some reason tonight, she doesn’t. 

The moon has begun to wane, letting hardly any light break the surface of the water. It’s dark, the same kind of darkness that had crawled under her skin at the test. 

But tonight, the darkness that comes when she starts to drift feels almost appealing. Nothing can touch her out here, even her mind has started to allow itself to quiet down here. 

Raven is dimly aware of her lungs burning and her mouth forcing itself open as if to take a breathe of the dark water, and she would have done something about it before she feels something grab onto her and drag her back above. 

Clarke pulls her up onto the dock, and slaps her on the back and she sputters what water she had swallowed out of her throat, the world fixing itself in her mind. The hand that pounded her back switches then to resting on the back of her neck.

“What the hell was that?”

Raven shakes her head. 

“I don’t know, I just started to drift”. 

“You were under nearly a minute and a half”. 

Raven is actually agape at that, it’s longer than she’s been in ages. 

“I thought you just wanted to try longer, but then you just stayed under and started drifting, I thought maybe you were stuck or had had a panic attack or something”. 

“Isn’t that good though? It means I can do much….”

Raven trails off. Clarke looks terrified. The hand that dragged her back up is still holding hers tightly. It burns. 

“Never do anything like that ever again Raven, you scared the hell out of me”. 

Clarke then stands and leaves her on the dock to fix her brace back on herself. 

Raven watches her leave. Her stomach has sank, and her chest feels funny. But not as funny as the spot on the back of her neck where Clarke’s hand had rested until a second ago.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s days before Raven can get Clarke to talk to her again. She sits next to Bellamy at meals, never comes into the shop, and reads a book in her bunk until lights out. 

Raven’s gone to the water a few more times at night, but she never comes. She’s gone in a few times, and feels more confident about it, but the time still feels empty without Clarke there. 

She’s in her bunk one night midway through first session, being ignored by Clarke, when Harper knocks on the screen door and sticks her head in. 

“Monty and Bryan’s cabins are doing a kitchen raid tonight, want to come?”

That’s enough to get both girls’ attention. 

Kitchen raids were done pretty much every summer, every session. Bryan and Monty’s cabins are the youngest group of boys at camp: twelve of them, wrapped in superhero pajamas between the ages of six and eight. Giving them the opportunity to sneak out after bedtime and eat a ton of snacks they normally would be told would upset their bellies was always great for getting them excited and making great camp memories. 

All carefully planned by the counselors, signed off on by Becca and set up by the kitchen staff before carefully leaving the keys to the mess under the closest bush to the window, of course. But the campers never figured that out. 

The counselors that join the overly-excited group are a motley bunch who would normally never do any single activity at the same time- they of course, never recognized this either. 

Monty’s good at the role playing, hushing everyone to a whisper, and tiptoeing carefully along the path to the mess hall. Clarke and Raven and Harper follow up behind them, their normal walking also going unnoticed. 

The mess hall always looks a little creepy after dark, even though they left the lights behind the tray lines on, just for this occasion, illuminating the tubs of ice cream and sundae fixings that had “just happened” to be left out, complete with bowls and spoons. 

It takes something like fifteen minutes for the quiet mess to transform into a scene from a family comedy- a dozen pajama clad boys running around faces covered in whipped cream while the older kids stand off to the side and watch the carnage unfold. 

When Raven finishes her last bite of ice cream, she looks down the row of counselors and realizes Clarke’s bowl is still empty. She vaguely recalled from previous summers that Clarke really only enjoyed mint chocolate chip. She glances at the setup- vanilla, chocolate, both in already mostly empty barrels. 

She nudges Harper quietly, 

“Hey, I’ll be right back”. 

She creeps back into the darker part of the kitchen, with the industrial fridge and all of the appliances (locked up in case of curious children). It’s quiet back here, and still, away from the raucous party. 

She doesn’t realize she’s not alone until Murphy comes around the corner. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” She demands, after jumping out of her skin. 

“Jesus Christ, Reyes, I do work here, I just forgot my headphones” he replies, holding up the bundle of wires in one hand. 

“Mint chocolate chips on the bottom rack of the freezer” he says, gesturing the to the chest freezer against the wall. “Don’t give me that look- I remember things about other people occasionally. It’s still unopened, we basically use these late night snack orgies to get rid of the tubs that are about to go bad”. 

Then he leaves and Raven is speechless. Rather that dwell on his behavior, she retrieves the carton and puts it out of her mind. 

Clarke’s still sitting a little ways from the others when she gets back, and the expression she wears when she spots Raven with the tub of ice cream is hard to read.

“Can the ice cream say ‘I’m sorry’” Raven asks, somewhat sheepishly.

Clarke doesn’t say a word, but she takes the tub.

After that night, it would be easy to say things went back to normal. Clarke started talking to her again, she sat next to her again, and a few days later, Raven asks if they could go back down to the lake again. Clarke smiles, and Raven cracks jokes, and they’re as good friends as they’ve ever been. 

But something is different, something changed that night, and Raven can’t put her finger on it. 

First session starts to come to a close. The shop is suddenly full during the days, with campers realizing their going home soon and wanting to buy souvenirs. Clarke reports at least three breakdowns over friendship bracelets. 

The last night of session there’s always a dance. The props and scenery all come out in the theater barn, transforming it into the world’s weirdest dance floor, and Miller hauls out the boom box to play the meager collection of pop CDs they have on hand. 

It always involves lots of yelling and giggling from the younger campers, and drama from the older ones that Raven’s glad she doesn’t have to deal with this year. 

Her and Clarke spend the first half of the dance leaning by the side of the dance floor drinking soda. 

“God, this thing is more embarrassing than I remember” Raven says. 

“I kind of like it” Clarke says, “No one here’s going to remember you after session ends, so there’s no reason not to act like yourself”. 

This comment is followed up by Jasper being summarily rejected by one of the girl’s counselors and slumping off. 

“Is it strange to say this feels like punishment for him doing the same to Harper last year?” Raven asks. 

“That was last year, and she ended up seeing Monty AND beating him out for the sports counselor spot, I think she got her revenge,” Clarke says, standing fully up.

“Be back in a minute, I’m going to go give him a pity dance.”

Raven starts to feel awkward by herself so she moves to sit by the punch table. The only other person sitting there is Bellamy. 

“Not up for breaking any hearts this year, Blake?” 

“After you turn 20, dancing around teenagers starts to feel like something that could get you fired” he says, casually. 

“What have you been doing the rest of the year?” She asks.

“Janitor at an elementary school”. 

“Oh god, that sounds…”

‘Awful? It’s really not terrible. There’s never anything fun about scrubbing toilets, but all the kids and teachers appreciate what you do. Some even remember your name”.

“Honestly sounds better than the last six months for me, trying to do all my work to graduate on time and endless physical torture”. 

“Physical torture?”

“Physical therapy if you want to be technical. Stretching, swimming”

“Ha! I knew you did know how to swim before. That was Clarke’s excuse for all the times you two have been going down to the lake at night. Why are you really going out there, sneaking off to make out or something?”

Raven’s face goes red, and her brain stutters. By the time she manages to sputter out a “wh-whaat?” Bellamy already has an irritatingly smug smile on her face. 

“Ah, so you’re not- but you want to be. Hey, I say go for it. I know she was super into that archery girl last year, but she hasn’t even mentioned her this year. I would say you’ve got the same chance as anybody, but she has been spending all her free time with you.”

He gestures out onto the dance floor, where Clarke has finally left the still dejected Jasper and is returning to the punch table. Bellamy claps Raven on the shoulder and gets up to leave.

“What was he talking about?: Clarke asks, sitting next to her. 

“Nothing”

“You sure? You look like you swallowed a lemon.”

Raven wonders if she’ll ever manage to find her voice when the spell is broken by Miller deciding this was the best time to start playing the Chicken Dance.

Both of them burst out laughing. 

“Do you want to go down to the lake?” Clarke asks, “I’m kind of all danced out”. 

“Sure”

They end up sitting on the dock, dangling their feet in the water. Neither of them had thought to bring their swimsuits that night, so Raven had known that they wouldn’t be out here to go in the water. 

The barn is close enough that they can still hear the music, softly clucking into the open air. 

Clarke kicks her feet back and forth, and stares up at the full moon. 

“I can’t believe first session’s over with. It seems like every day here is one step closer to the real world”. 

“Feels like I’ve been in the real world for a long time,” Raven replies. Foster care had been real enough, then the accident. It felt like she’d been an adult almost her whole life.

“But you have to admit, being here? It’s different. It’s like everything else in the world gets put on hold. Like it all stops. Stuff that happens here? It’s special”. 

The moonlight is so bright, it’s making Clarke, who through this whole session has remained almost supernaturally pale, glow with it’s light. It’s beautiful, she’s.

And in that instant, Raven realizes Bellamy was right. 

Heart thudding in her chest, she’s dimly aware that the music inside has changed. 

“I see Miller finally dipped into the movie soundtracks” Clarke comments. She’s looking at Raven now instead of the moon, and it feels like she’s scooted closer to her. It almost seems like actually kissing her right now might not be such a crazy idea.

“It does suit the moment” Raven answers, voice thick, inching closer ever so slowly. 

Clarke always had more gumption than her when it came to things like this. She’s the one who finally closes the gap. Her lips are warm, and Raven feels her eyes fall shut, and her hands reach out to find Clarke’s wrists. 

Raven had been honest earlier, but sitting on the dock of a lake, kissing someone for the first time, with “She’s Like the Wind” in the background under a full moon doesn’t seem like something that could happen in real life.


End file.
